Expressions..by Sue Simpson

2011-12-15T12:23:00.000-08:00

An unplanned down time.

A time of warmth to unthaw.

I didn't realize how cold my body was.

It doesn't like to be cold.

Looking forward to letting the answers come

while asking what is the question.

Looking foward to healing and growing.

To going over that hump of self sabotage

just as the success comes.

Or is that 'on the run'

and avoiding the true path

which causes the sabotage?

The answers will come.

I can feel them.

They are there ready to surface.

My talents and gifts are many

yet

useless in the wrong 'pot of soup'.

Moving ...

while being.

This is exciting

the future

This new chapter.

It is becoming clear

full of adventure

while being mindful

of the present.

2011-11-29T18:39:00.001-08:00

11-09-2011

Waiting.. waiting

for the other shoe to drop, that is. It's a terrible place to be. It's not what I want from my life, this life. I pretend it isn't happening and then it catches me. Grabs me with a hahahah or is that a heeheehhee?

The unfolding recently has been so amazing. The aha moments have been so plain, so real. The life lessons are simple and weaved together. This change, this growth, this knowing, this belief is freeing. It's exciting. It can be overwhelming. I have learned to take time to let 'it' absorb. Let God work his magic.

I am learning to trust God and to trust myself. Those thoughts I hide are coming out. Those feelings or idea's....well, they are pretty right on!! It's so cool. It really is. To trust yourself. To have a thought and let is simmer, let it process, and wait to the knowing. God speaks to me in songs, written words, those around me. Through plain everyday happenings.

I have a small example of the things that have been happening to me recently. I hope I can explain it in a way that shows the emotion, the gratitude, and real life lesson. I have been given the opportunity to take a class called Designing My Practice. Two lessons ago we were handed a sheet of questions as our homework. We were to Design Our Practice. Write our plan. My first thought was how I'd like to teach or mentor others in my future. To combine my art with ... life lessons. I don't know the words yet. The whole picture but that was my first thought. Next was, how do I explain this? How do I write this? And finally, in all honesty, I don't know the other people in the class, my co-artist well enough to share this dream. This path I fully believe God has me on.

Two or three days later. In conversation with the Founders of 3231 Creatives where my studio is located, where I have felt is my college, my training, my schooling for the future. We begin talking about a teaching program and one of the founders said ..... you can teach this. Yes, I can. Gulp!! I am so excited by the lessons I am learning. The unfolding of the path. A look into the future. Almost everyday I get an Aha moment. Something I have written or thought and then sorta hid is right in front of me. Right there that says, yes, this is right. Your thought, influence, direction, it's right on track Sue.

I am even learning to make mistakes and forgive myself for them. I am learning to do something, even if it's not perfect. Then, to learn from it and move on. I am learning that the qualities that I have had all these years are good qualities. They don't work for everyone but they work for me and the people God is putting in my path.

I have come to a place where I am recognizing that I wait for that shoe to drop. Wait for the big laughter that says, hahahaa just joking. I believe realizing that I do this will help me to move past it. If not past it then to truly know that if and when the other shoe does drop, I'll pick it up and move on.

2011-10-08T12:14:00.000-07:00

ah....it was just a trantum.
not who I am
yet a part of me.

As said by a wise friend,
Basically, it's your ego throwing a tantrum
because you're going forward
despite it's best efforts to scare you into
not doing anything that might
raise your consciousness.

whew...be, love, rejoice, dance.

2011-10-03T10:34:00.000-07:00

Reading and writing this morning and your question, "In what way is your art focus wavering? Are you having trouble settling in to your new studio space?", keep coming to mind. What is it that is blocking or stopping me? What is this tense feeling? I hear the words, "I knew my art had value", I don't have that. I know there is value in myself somewhere. I know that it comes to front often. I know that when it is ready to be..I tend to self sabotage. I know that i enjoy creating 'art'. I know that I rely way to much on what others think. I know that I am looking for their approval. I know that to be an artist I must relinquish those feelings, traits, and ways of life. I know that the more I create, the more I make, the better I will become. I know that my style is all over the place. I know that I tell myself this is okay and yet, I don't believe it. I know that I have really good times and times of total doubt. I know that I have a deadline to produce art for an outstanding program. That people will be paying 145.00 per plate to attend this event and my work will be presented along with the others. I know this scares me and yet excites me. I know that value is a word that makes me want to ball my eyes out today. I know that I don't want anyone else to see me this way. I know that the reason I don't want anyone to see me this way is because it is not my strength and I am strong. I know that I have lived a very full and rocky life. That if I were to really look at it. Study it, remember it, I would realize how strong I am. How much I have overcome. That crying, being believing, is good. That I do have value. That my work has value. That I must believe that. I must believe in myself. That it is okay to believe in myself. Truthfully, if I really knew and felt this, would I have these times of self destruction. This fear of success. Would I stop finding everything else to do besides paint, create, and allow?

2011-08-19T15:34:00.001-07:00

Matthew 5:30

2011-08-19T10:58:00.000-07:00

There are times I share
some of my inner thoughts
my feelings and beliefs.

why do I do this?

There is that fear
that 'they' won't agree
that 'they' will read into
my words.

I then wonder
and
second guess
if i should have shared.
been so vulnerable.

wonder no more.
This is me
this is who i am
today.

2011-06-26T10:38:00.000-07:00

..living with fibromyalgia

sometimes a little cry
can help release
some of the
pain and fog
...sometimes.

2011-06-20T14:10:00.000-07:00

Be thankful for what the day brings you.

so often, my mind is on tomorrow
on the troubles of the day
or an event that is in the future.

Today, while on the beach
enjoying the warm sun
sound of the birds
and the beauty that surrounded me

I realized that each day brings a gift

even those days that I wake up in pain
even the days that are dark and gray
whatever that day brings
it brings along with it a gift

It is my choice
whether I receive that gift
or let it pass me by.

2011-06-03T14:33:00.000-07:00

Notes from the studio journal-

This afternoon I work in silence.
Not an easy thing for me to do.
Silence, I have come to realize, scares me.

My mind has time to settle, to think
My body and soul, time to feel.

I am painting the black line along the dripping mess
As I steady my hand to make a straight line
I realize I must look forward
to get the result I am looking for.

And then it comes to me
In life, we must focus forward, look ahead
to see and get to where we are going.
Looking back to where I had already painted
where I had already been
did not give me the results
I was looking for.

Later I share this experience with a wise young woman.
She comments on some choices she has made in her past
and said she has came to the conclusion
that she does not have eyes in the back of her head
so looking back
does not get her to where she needs to go.

This time of silence
while creating and being
has reminded me that we can learn from the past
but stay there, to stay focused on
or continue to look back
makes the trail ahead
much more difficult.

2011-05-31T14:36:00.000-07:00

it's like a crazy calm
nothing hidden
I don't believe.
a realization maybe
a knowing
a taking.
nervous maybe
excitement?
it really doesn't matter
it is just that it is different
better
easier
You said trust me
that's what I am striving to do.
Trust You.

2011-05-28T11:09:00.000-07:00

I feel alive
awakened
not the edge of the cliff
alive
not the head down and go
alive
It's a serene feeling
like a break through
or a vision
A belief maybe.
is it trust
is it growth
i am not sure
and that is okay.
no need to analyze
no need to fear it won't last
no need for anything
except to feel
alive.

2011-05-22T11:21:00.000-07:00

was it her movement
the glimpse of action
was it the bird
her following
did it get just a bit brighter out
i felt i couldn't make it through this day
the gray again.
the to do list so long.
but then it happened
the sense of wonder
inspiration of a sorts
is this what is referred to as attitude
If so, how did i change it
or was it me who changed
i believe He heard my call
it was when i took the pressure
off of myself
that i allowed His wonder.
His grace and beauty to remind me
of those simple yet beautiful things.

2011-05-19T09:36:00.000-07:00

I am aware
with a sense of fear
a bit of a resistance.
Learning to stand on my own
be who I am
knowing how easily i can be influenced
Learning to listen
to that small voice within
to God's calling
His direction.
wanting to relax and wait
a new attribute for me
a new way of being

2011-05-19T09:17:00.001-07:00

A safe place
A place to create
creating can feed the soul
creating opens doors
doors that we may have shut and locked
It usually doesn't happen over night
It can but many times it's the start to a journey

Permission
Permission to color the tree blue
Permission to scribble and color in the lines
Permission to allow

Allow
Allow yourself to be
Many of us really don't know ourselves
We have spent so much time being what we
"are suppose to be"
Allowing little pieces, big pieces, something to emerge

Time
A time to breath
A time to see
A time to smell
A time to be

2008-12-12T16:37:00.000-08:00

Dec. 12, 2008

Courage.....
Courage to believe,
courage to be you,
courage to love,
courage to give,
courage to accept,
courage to let go,
courage to be vulnerable,
...courage.....

2008-11-10T16:41:00.000-08:00

November 10th, 2008

To wonder as a child
to see beauty in all
to love and be loved.
To cherish each moment
not to judge, compare
or have expectations.
Eyes that sparkle
a smile that warms
love that radiates
and captures your heart
your soul.
Allow yourself
to see, feel, be
and
wonder as a child.

2008-09-11T16:49:00.000-07:00

September 11, 2008

As fall sets in
the sun continues to shine.
I do well when the sun shines
I will do well this winter when it doesn't.
I will embrace each new day as a gift.
It has been quiet here lately.

We've made the "spare room" an office and sewing room.
its all coming together.
Order.
The computer was moved
so the speakers are not working..yet.
The silence has given me time to reflect
enjoy
be.

As the sprinkler outside makes
that wonderful ch.ch.ch sound!
the sun streams through the windows
I feel at peace, hopeful and excited for the future.
I do worry about my "better half"
he's worried about the winter
it's bringing him down
the anxiety is back
it creeps up on him and grabs hold.
He is my love, my strength, my friend.

I will continue to pray
for strength
and God's will.

2008-07-08T16:54:00.000-07:00

July 7, 2008

it's hurts to move but i must.
not moving hurts worse.
i guess i do fear pain.
it has a hold on me.
i gave up, didn't i
when nothing seem to work
i quit trying.
it made me worse.
it's time for me to fight back
this thing called fibro.
i've made changes
i must keep on changing.